Monday, December 14, 2009

Lots of Icing

Wow, I miss mom.

I have been preparing myself for the holidays, preparing for the pain of change, yet yesterday in the middle of the mall, I thought I was going to stop breathing. I'm going along having a normal day, actually smiling and enjoying the bustle of everyone in the Christmas mood, and then I got hungry. That is not unusual, and so I headed to the cookie shop.

It was there. As I looked at the cookies, that I could so easily picture mom, and hear her saying, "Oh, look at the one with all of the icing Rachelle. Don't pick that one, I want it." I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown at the Mrs. Fields right in the middle of Louis Joliet Mall. I bravely walked up to the girl at the counter with tears streaming down my face so hard that it was slippery where I was standing, and I said, "I'll have the one with all of that extra icing." She looked at me as if the guys in the white jackets might be right behind me. I just smiled.

Tears still coming, I found a bench took my diet coke and cookie and ate every bite thinking about all of the wonderful times mom and I spent in malls shopping laughing and people watching.

It's the little moments like that. The times that no one else would even think twice. The things that when you love someone so deeply it is more about the time shared than the events or words spoken. This first Christmas is going to be harder than any of us could have imagined, but she would kick my butt from here to heaven if I let it be anything besides wonderful for my boys.

So with her grit and spirit, I am off to deck the halls and make it a great day.


  1. Oh Rachelle, I am crying with you my friend. How brave of you to continue to walk up to the lady and ask for the cookie and to take it to a bench and eat it! I would have headed for the nearest bathroom and hid! I am proud of you for being the woman that you are and your mom is smiling down right now rejoicing in every moment that you remember these moments. You are truly amazing Rachelle and I thank you for sharing your life with us up close and personal. I love you - Kari

  2. Living in the moment...good job. Sounds like your mom was soooo incredibly good at that. We could all use some lessons in that. I love her pjs in the picture you posted. I love her sense of humor and her funny funny reindeer stockings on the mantle. I suppose you are right. You need to keep the traditions and memories for Kaden and Carder. Maybe you should have a big giant cookie with milk one night for dinner...ha that sounds like something your mom would have done with the boys!!!
    Squeeze squeeze squeeze.

  3. Rachelle, I admire you so. Life throws us some curve balls, but those we love expect us to continue to stay in the game and win! You are winning...praying for a wonderful Christmas for you and your family. Sending love, Debbie S.