Wednesday, February 3, 2010

He's Beautiful

Those were mom's words. She just kept saying, "Oh Rachelle, he's beautiful."

Today is Kaden's 10th birthday. Oh how I miss mom today. Dad is driving up, we are heading to Wisconsin Dells tomorrow, and I can't seem to find a way to make myself get through the day. I just keep thinking of mom.

Her biggest delight in this world was loving, spoiling and seeing the boys. I took Kaden to breakfast this morning, and he said, "I bet Gaga is happy I'm 10!" I managed to smile eat, and hold back the breakdown.

Again, I wouldn't trade the time I had with her for the world. I don't let the grief stop me from embracing the joy and living each day, but this wave of TREMENDOUS longing will surely need to pass soon.

I will "suck it up" as mom would say because if she found out that I was crying on this beautiful boy's big day, she would hit me with some kind of force from above for sure.

Oh mom, another birthday party without you. I just really can't stand it.


  1. My dearest Rachelle, Wish I could make it better for you. You are right...your mom did love you and those boys. This hurts so much...but the reason it hurts is because they were so WONDERFUL!!! I pray your day and Kaden's is beautiful as joy and grief live side by side. Much love, Debbie

  2. Rachelle,
    I got tears running down my face I did not know your mom and I have only seen you twice but, I only need to read those things you wrote about your mom that I wanted to tell you how blessed you are to have had the change to have the relacionship you had with your mom. The great memories will last a life time.