All Snug In Their Beds

It is Christmas Eve. I can hear my dads voice as he tells the boy's bedtime stories to go to sleep. I can see by the light of the Christmas tree, I can smell the cookies that are sitting on the plate for Santa. I can feel the cold from the front door where the carrots are placed for the reindeer. I can picture the wonder on Carder's face, but...

I miss the long talks with mom, the fright in her eyes as we make too much noise filling the stockings, the sheer delight in the last minute trip for the toy just announced as most important, the roll of the eyes as I say the boys have too much. I miss EVERY part of her tonight.

Her spirit truly is here. We went to lunch with Grandma and Popsie today, and on the way out the boys asked for a gumball, with a HUGE smile we dug for quarters, and Kaden said, "In honor of Gaga."

Christmas will never be the same. Yet, it is our job to make the new memories ones that she would be proud of. Dad and I tear up, exchange glances and know what the other one is feeling, but it is a choice to have a good Christmas, and WE ARE. Off to be Santa!