Saturday, November 14, 2009

Advent Calendar

Today was a fun day. It started with Nate buying a circular saw and helping the boys build a make-shift fort for their nerf gun wars. It continued with both boys playing outside all afternoon since it was an unseasonably beautiful day, and in the meantime Nate squeezed in one of the last rounds of golf of the year.

After working, I decided it would probably be the best day to get a lot of Christmas decorating done. Carder helped me unpack many of the knick-knacks, wreaths, lights and garland. As I placed mom's picture with some sentimental items around it, Carder said, "You can't put that there, where will we put our thing with all the drawers and prizes?"

He was referring to our advent calendar. Every year, mom lovingly fills the boxes with toys, money, etc. Also each year at Thanksgiving she delivers it quietly to me without the boys knowing. As I looked at those sweet little eyes, my eyes filled with tears.

There are just so many things that I took for granted. So many memories that I cherish and yet to think of creating new memories without her causes unbelievable anguish. It will be a new type of Christmas. Each day as the boys open those drawers it will remind me of her smile.

My promise to mom was that I would live a great life. Some of the last words that I whispered to her, "I will be happy, I promise." As we enter the Holiday season my promise seems very hard to keep, and yet it is that very promise that causes me to embrace each day, memory and new tradition with joy.

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