Today is one of those shocking wave days. Living life, working, talking, texting--Then it hits. That shocking wave of grief that comes like a mountain crashing on your chest. It isn't a choice whether or not to feel it. The choice comes in how you handle the wave.
I could hold my breath and wait for it to pass. Pretend that the wave was a rarity that won't occur again in regular intervals.
I could try to ignore it and continue on like life is normal. Of course that would be like being in the ocean and opening my mouth and refusing to swim as the wave hit. Ignoring a wave of grief could just as easily kill my spirit.
Sometimes in grief, just when you think you have a handle on somethings, a big wave comes through. Today I REALLY miss mom. I want to talk to her about everything. I want to discuss my business, my marriage, my kids, my turkey dinner, my LIFE. I wish we could just have one more really long talk. She was my core of strength, and my very best friend.
Instead, I have to learn to tread water as this wave comes. It does not mean I do not experience joy or stop living. But it does mean, that I have to take the time to remember, cry and grieve. I have learned to embrace the shocking waves, because another is coming as sure as the sun rises in the east.
My favorite baby girl I made a promise to your Mama. It was very simple, but most profound: Be there. Your mama was a planner and planned all situations. For you, I am to be here anytime you need anything, both good and bad days. Mama was ALWAYS there for me and our family. Now I must pay it forward to you and your family. No I will never be Mom but I can provide a safe place to fall whenever you need. With hugs and kisses to the moon and back..Kim....I'll will be the sister chosen by your mama to help you and for you to help and teach me..with love..K
ReplyDelete