Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Relapse of Grief

So I guess anxiety can mask itself in a variety of ways. I thought my month of reflection, prayer and healing had brought me to a place of "normalcy". I returned to work May 1 and I thought that I caught the flu at the same time. I rested on Friday and Saturday, went to church on Sunday, and felt good Monday morning. As I prepared for a presentation Monday afternoon and worked on many many emails my temperature seemed to rise and stomach issues flared. Thus it continues as I try to re-enter the real world.

UGH! This is so stupid. Life must go on, and my body needs to cooperate. I'm going to get real sleep tonight, and I'm hopeful that will help. Lying in bed watching Oprah is not an option. It is not me. It was definitely not mom, and it is not my choice.

So if you are reading this please pray for me to get the strength I desire to live my GREAT life that is such a gift. If you are my dear loved one or friend that has been calling me in the past few days, please know I am ok, but just trying to figure out how to function in a normal way with huge suit of armor the world calls grief. It seems the phone is my hardest place. Why? No Idea.


  1. Love you Rachelle. We are praying for you everyday...thanks for your prayers for us as well:)

  2. Rachelle, rest in HIS arms of love. He will provide you the strength you need, but it will be minute by minute for awhile. i am praying for you. sounds cliche, but I AM!!! and i know in my life how the power of prayer works. Let others care for you, and cover you with prayer and love right now. love, michelle

  3. Rachelle, this blog is like nothing I have ever read. It contains so many
    honest feelings from your heart and your heart will go on. Times. Times will be sad. Times will be good. Times will be blah. Times will be full of incredible joy. Times will be full of incredible grief. But, Jesus will forever hold you tightly in his arms and your mom will be forever held tightly in your heart. Go with the grief. Flow with the grief. Grieving is good. Grieving heals. The wonderful memories you shared with your mom are yours to forever cherish. Those memories will keep her alive in your heart just as she is alive in heaven! Cry tears of joy. Cry tears of grief if you need to do so. Your faith will sustain you. We know that. But, this blog will set you free and will help others. What a blessing you are! How proud your mom is of you! As I type this with tears, tears are good for me 'cause I stopped crying years ago, I am filled with incredible sadness for you and for me! It's selfish, I know, but I would have given anything to have had the kind of relationship you had with your mom with my mom but that's not what God had in His plans for me. Norm and I always promised that we would make sure neither of us would get frumpy, have blue hair or wear moomoos and sensible shoes! Yep, she was a hoot. Someday, when you get to Heaven, you will be able to laugh and hold each other forever! FOREVER!! Until then, grieve and laugh until your grief takes it proper place in your heart and although you will once again be you, you will also be a reflection of
    your mom and everything she taught you. Love will come full circle.
    Love, Debi