Yesterday was a GREAT day. I still had a hard time with missing mom, and I hate the fact that I can't call her, but God reminded me yesterday that He carries me in the palm of his hand.
Nate and I visited the new church offices yesterday morning. The whole area was painted by volunteers in one night. The office space is such a gift from God and a wonderful act of love by my husband and the church family. The space is perfect, and it will allow our church to break through some space issue barriers, but it will also allow me to have a private space to grieve. After 4 years, my home will become just a home to our family come Friday. I am so excited.
Yesterday was also a testament to great people. I was so excited to talk to Dad and know that all of the guys were going out to his shop. They were joining him in friendship and food and being there with him in person when I cannot. Throughout the day I talked to, text and heard via email from so many people that genuinely care about my life, my grief and my well-being. God truly knows how to minister to our spirit if we will just allow ourselves to accept help and allow ourselves to be used by Him when He calls. Dad and I are constantly humbled by the love we feel and need from each of those great people everyday.
My night ended with one of my dearest friends. We held hands as we looked at her little angel sleeping and wept together. We both knew we were crying tears of incredible joy, deep sorrow and a feeling that only real friends can share without putting words to it.
To say that I am blessed is an understatement. I have an incredible hole in my heart that will never be filled. However, my life is such a gift, and I just have to daily remember to treasure the joy. Mom would want nothing more than to know I laugh, dance and smile often.
Well, it is interesting that many people refer to life as a "rollercoaster". Sounds like your week. But the funny thing is that you are always grounded, that you always have the same foundation...God. So, no matter how you ride it; the ups and downs...you are firmly planted in your seat. I guess you always know where you land, after the ride is over. It is very hard during the ride to remember that though. That is when you want to question, be scared, mad,whine, whatever. Personally, I think that its ok to have those moments, knowing somewhere that deep inside God is waiting for us, right? Waiting for us to come through and be stronger and smarter! Deep down, i know that i want a "magic" pill to get me to the other place without having to feel the feelings in between. But the 'big girl" in me also knows that's just not how it works! Keep pushin on. You are moving through, it. At least you are moving!
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