Today has been a day of mixed emotion. I had a wonderful friend visit me last night. We laughed, she brought me dessert, and I ate and ate and ate late last night and early this morning to the point that I felt sick. I shared with her how this grief makes me feel like I am wearing a 600 lb suit of armor and even simple tasks like unloading the dishwasher are unbelievably hard. She understood. She has felt this type of grief and much worse. So there is hope in her life of coping. There is hope in her words of encouragement. There is strength provided to feel the hurt, embrace the loss of mom and put one foot in front of the other towards a day when the suit of armor feels like a badge of honor because I was blessed to have my mom as my mother.
Hearing that, knowing that, resolving to love, grieving to live....Today has still been one of the hardest. Kaden's Nintendo DS has been broken for a few weeks. Yesterday, as he was watching Carder play his and NOT whining, I realized that was what mom bought him for Christmas. I just couldn't stand it. So we went today and got a new one. I recognize it probably wasn't the brightest move in parenting, but it felt so good to watch his little smile. I could just hear mom say, "It doesn't matter how it broke, I'm GaGa and its my present." Of course, then I got Carder a game because she never bought for one and not the other. This made me feel great and sad all at the same time.
I'm taking a friend to the airport today, and then I think we are going to sit by the fire tonight with the boys. Dad went fishing today and I'm waiting to hear from him as to how it went. I'm hoping he'll have some stories to tell the boys.
Hey Rachelle....just wanted to let you know that I think of you and Dennis several times a day and pray everytime I do. I pray that he will lift that suit of armor off more and more day by day.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lindsey