Someone that is close to me has noticed that I have a need for "preparedness." Meaning, I am always thinking about what is going to happen and mentally and physically preparing for the future so that I can do my best.
I have noticed that when I can't predict what may happen, I seem to shut down. I think that is what happens during grieving. Because I can't imagine my life without mom, I tend to shut down. However, when I just think about the next day, I do much better.
I know for a fact that I will be in Heaven with mom. I know this because of Jesus. I have thought a lot about Heaven over the last few weeks. I want to be prepared for Heaven. I want to know that I have lived the best life possible here, so that in Heaven I am thrilled with what I have done here.
Nate bought me the book, "90 Minutes in Heaven" after I had heard about it from a friend. After reading it, I have such a peace thinking about mom's peace of mind. As long as I focus on preparing for Heaven each day I seem to find a little peace too.
Speaking of preparation, Dad is in the garage right now doing his nitty gritty cleaning for Carder's party tomorrow. We are so excited for him. I'm off to make my list of last minute items.
You sound "lighter" today Rachelle. Good. Hopefully the weather will just continue to infuse with the necessary feelings and willpower to keep taking the next step and the next. Happy Birthday to Carder! Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteAt a time in our lives when we can not prepare for the future, we do that by trusting our Father. He can take care of "everything" that comes our way. He is the one that knows what is in our minds and in our hearts. He knows how much you are hurting. He understands how hard it is to face each day without Mom. Trust him. Praise him for each day and thank him for all that he has given you. God is good--all the time. In each circumstance. Praying for each and every one of you--lots. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just remember that God loves you, just as you are. He created you to be a "unique" person for the glory of his kingdom. Keep on being "unique" :-) SG (I'm still trying to figure out how to use this site!)
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